Daily Writing #71: Chicken and egg situation of marriage

Chicken and egg situation of marriage
Photo by Paola Aguilar on Unsplash

Marriage is a critical part of any individual living in this world. Whether you believe in the system or not, it definitely provides some structure to the life of a person.

In spite of rising opposition from various parts of the society, no one yet has been able to give an alternative to this long followed tradition.

Recently, I was thinking about a chicken and egg situation related to marriage.

A chicken and egg situation is the one where we fail to decide which of the two things caused the other one.

Now, this is how the above problem applies to marriage:

Do you believe that love should precede marriage (love marriage) or love can come after marriage(arranged marriage) too? Which one leads to the other?

Let’s consider both situations one by one.

I will reveal my personal opinion at the end of the article.

Love before marriage

This can be considered the modern viewpoint.

Most people in today’s world would belong to this school of thought, at least who are not yet married anyway. I am saying most, that certainly means not all.

This seem to be more logical also.

Is it more logical?

What do you think?

I think that in the case of love, a common thread binds two people together which cannot happen initially in marrying without love. That common point of interest holds two people together at the start and pulls them towards each other. That also plays the role of an icebreaker and calms down nerves while both people interact.

Most importantly, love before marriage allows us to know the other person well, and then make a decision whether that person is good for us to spend our entire life with or not.

When we love the other person we spend time with him/her getting to know him/her closely.

If we love the other person, we ignore every other aspect of him focusing only on his compatibility with us.

Isn’t that the only thing that matters between two people? If their wavelengths match, what other factor could be more important than that?

Socio-economic status, parents, and society all take a backseat when we are in love. We only see our partner and know that we want to spend our lives together.

Because in the end, it is you and your partner that has to live together in marriage. So if you are already in love, marriage becomes the natural extension of it.

Marriage before love

This is the second viewpoint that was popular in an earlier era of the world. In many parts of the world, however, it is still followed.

I live in India, and we do have arranged marriages prevalent here.

People believe that once they unite under the common bond of marriage, love comes eventually.

Is it possible?

I think it can be possible.

But I also think there is an equal chance, that it never happens.

When you don’t know the other person, you are playing a bet. The odds are 50–50 in this case. It can go either way.

Maybe by some cosmic luck, you made the right choice and found a compatible partner. Then maybe love will eventually blossom between you two.

But what if you made the wrong choice, and you and your partner have nothing in common. Love shall be the last thing that will be on your mind in that case. Your life can become miserable in that case.

Love before marriage or marriage before love?

Here’s my opinion on this, I think both systems can work.

In the first case when two people love each other, the decision to marry become natural and easy.

In the second case, when two people get comparatively lesser time to know each other can also work because then we can have a targeted discussion with another person to know him or her better.

However, I do think the former case will always be more favorable.

That being said, failure of love marriages is also common as people fall out of love too.

So, nothing can be said for sure.

In the second case, at least two people have a lot to know about each other. But in the former case, the relationship will become more mature after marriage.

In the end, nothing is certain in this world.

One thing that I have learned is that you can’t be rigid and stick to one school of thought. Hence, try both, whichever works, you find the right partner. That favorable outcome matters here, not the method.

This is my blog, where I write daily about life. This is day 71.

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